By Ian Nguyen

When the Novel Corona virus swept through the world like a violent storm changing the very fundamental core of our daily routines, fear and anxiety around safe sexual activities and making connections online spread through the gay community. Ian’s conversations with Andrew and Sam explore how each of them are adapting to the "new normal".

Andrew,M. (real identity anonymized due to request) has recently gone through a break up and felt lonely at times. He has been using Grindr, a hookup app for LGBTQ+ community, occasionally to seek online connections. Although feeling satisfied with his newly formed connections, Andrew feels anxious and guilty when he reckons that hookup is against the provincial health guidelines.

"I became single and then had to tussle against the health advice and measured risk of having sex, which increased my levels of guilt and anxiety",  Andrew confessed. "Because after I did end up having sex with someone who was new in my life. It made me feel like I'd gone against public health advice", he says.

Taking precautions and safety are Andrew's top priority, especially for physical meetups.

"I've been careful about not allowing additional people into my circle. I've been asking questions about distancing. Changing the kind of sex I have and engaging with a buddy rather than multiple partners" , says Andrew.

"Other gay men were generally good about it. I did also question potential partners about how Covid-safe they'd been, but ultimately as with sexual health status, you can't put your faith in the word of others"

With the wide spreading of the virus, gay men like Andrew feel they're battling on their own with no one on their side.

"It's sort of feeling like you are doing something wrong. Being gay, we are too familiar with shame around sex. Covid is kind of the redux of that, except the threats we face are real," says Andrew.

"I think most gay men are struggling with all of this, as everyone is. But gay culture puts more stock in casual sex. So I think that is a behavioural shift that [has] an impact", he adds.

While some are reluctantly moving their daily activities online, others are enjoying the change and keeping themselves safe at home. 

Instead of physical hookup, Sam Pal has been enjoying online video calling as a mean of connecting with other gay men online and satisfying his sex life.

“I personally think it is a sort of relaxation. There’s comfort in seeing things online,” Sam recalls.

According to Jas Basra, Program Coordinator at HIM, the trend he has observed within the gay community involves a lot of panic and uncertainties regarding sexual health and well-being.

"What we did observe during the pandemic is that there [were] a lot more concerns and panic because health centres were closed and people weren’t able to get the resources they need. Or get tested as quickly as they were used to, " says Basra.

Having sex is normal and no one should feel ashamed for having sex, Basra emphasized. As clinics and testing are opening up again, more resources will become available during the pandemic to assist the gay community.

Check out HIM's COVID-19 resources testing information and general help: https://checkhimout.ca/covid19/

RECENT POSTS

Ian Nguyen is a 20-something gaysian who is compiling the stories of our lives. Say hi to him at heythereian.com or Twitter: @ianwith1n

Photo by Honey Fangs on Unsplash