Handfasting Might be the Perfect Ceremony for your Spring Wedding
by Jude Goodwin
You’re planning an engagement or wedding ceremony this spring - how wonderful! While travelling my socials over the holidays, I came across someone asking for ceremonial or traditional ideas that might be incorproated in their lesbian wedding and I remembered my own engagement ceremony. My partner and I had chosen a handfasting ceremony which we held overlooking Brohm Lake, on the trail where we had first kissed. We had each prepared a ribbon for the ceremony and wove them around our hands together while speaking our promises. It was lovely. So, you ask, what is handfasting?
Handfasting is a cherished ritual that binds two individuals together, symbolizing their deep commitment and love. This ancient practice, with roots in Celtic traditions, involves gently wrapping cords or ribbons around a couple's hands, signifying their union.
Traditionally the ceremony is a kind of ‘promise’ where two lovers agree to commit to each other and the relationship for a year and a day. An engagement. At the end of the engagement, the couple decides if they will move on to marriage or go their separate ways.
Nowadays, however, handfasting is often incorporated into the wedding ceremony itself. The beautiful ribbons or cords are symbolic, representing love and care. Each person can embellish and personalize their cord, sewing borders, tying knots, weaving, and dyeing.
We’ll start with a look at the background of this lovely ritual, some variations, and end with a sample ceremony.
Cultural History and Significance
Handfasting is said to originate in pre-Christian times, but this isn’t very well-documented. It was popular in the Middle Ages when it represented the engagement of a couple, or a sort of common-law marriage by consent. The dictionary definition of handfasting is ‘to engage (someone) to be married’ and the word derives from the Old Norse term ‘handfesta’ which meant ‘strike a bargain by joining hands’.
Varieties of Handfasting Ceremonies and Traditions
Handfasting ceremonies are deeply personal and can be tailored to reflect a couple's unique journey:
Traditional Celtic Handfasting: In this ceremony, the couple's hands are bound together with a cord or ribbon as they exchange vows, symbolizing their unity.
Modern Interpretations: Many couples today incorporate handfasting into their wedding ceremonies, regardless of religious affiliation, to honor ancient traditions and add a unique element to their vows.
Inclusion of Family and Friends: Some ceremonies involve loved ones contributing ribbons or cords, each representing a blessing or wish for the couple's future. Or a loved one could do that actual weaving of the ribbons, rather than an officiant or the couple themselves.
The Symbolism of the Rope and Ribbon
The materials used in handfasting can have wonderful significance:
Materials: Couples may choose cords, ribbons, or woven cloth strips that hold personal meaning or reflect their cultural heritage.
Colors: Different colors can symbolize various qualities (e.g., red for passion, blue for tranquility). Couples often select colors that represent their shared values or aspirations.
Number of Cords: Some traditions use a single cord, while others use multiple cords to represent different aspects of the couple's relationship. Children, for example, could be included in this way.
Handfasting in Queer Ceremonies
Handfasting holds special significance in queer wedding ceremonies, symbolizing the union of two hearts and the blending of lives:
Symbol of Equality: The ritual emphasizes the equal partnership between the individuals, making it a fitting choice for 2SLGBTQIA+ couples.
Customization: Couples often personalize the ceremony to reflect their unique relationship, choosing specific colors, materials, and vows that resonate with their journey together.
Inclusivity: Handfasting ceremonies can be adapted to honour the couple's cultural backgrounds, spiritual beliefs, and personal preferences, ensuring a ceremony that is both meaningful and representative of their love.
Incorporating handfasting into your wedding ceremony adds a timeless and meaningful element, celebrating the sacred bond between partners. This ritual not only honors ancient traditions but also creates a memorable moment that reflects the couple's commitment and love.
Sample Handfasting Ceremony
If you’re looking for inspiration, or some help creating your own ceremony, here is a sample:
Opening Words
Officiant:
"We gather here today to witness and celebrate the union of [Partner 1] and [Partner 2]. In this sacred space, surrounded by those who love and support them, they come together to pledge their love and commitment. Today, they have chosen to include the ritual of handfasting, an ancient tradition that symbolizes the joining of their lives and the binding of their hearts."
Explanation of Handfasting
Officiant:
"Handfasting is a ritual of connection and promise. By tying their hands together, [Partner 1] and [Partner 2] show that their lives are intertwined. The cords and ribbons they have prepared represent the strength of their love and the bonds of their partnership."
Binding the Hands
[Partner 1] and [Partner 2] join hands, crossing their wrists to create the infinity symbol. The officiant begins wrapping the cord or ribbons. Note here, as mentioned above, the couple themselves could do the wrapping, or their children, or friends or family.
Officiant:
"These ribbons symbolize your shared hopes, dreams, and love. Each knot we tie represents a sacred promise."
As the officiant ties the first knot:
"Will you share in each other's joys and burdens, supporting one another through all of life's seasons?"
Both Partners:
"We will."
As the officiant ties the second knot:
"Will you strive to build a life of love, laughter, and shared purpose?"
Both Partners:
"We will."
As the officiant ties the third knot:
"Will you honor and respect each other, remaining faithful and true?"
Both Partners:
"We will."
Declaration of Unity
Officiant:
"With these knots, your hands are bound, and your lives are joined. May the cords that unite you today be as strong as your love for one another."
The officiant gently removes the cords while keeping them tied and places them aside as a keepsake for the couple.
Exchange of Vows and Rings
[Partner 1] and [Partner 2] exchange personal vows, followed by the exchange of rings.
Closing Words
Officiant:
"[Partner 1] and [Partner 2], you have pledged yourselves to one another with words, with rings, and through the sacred ritual of handfasting. May your love continue to grow, and may the knots of your union remain unbroken. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you married. You may seal your promises with a kiss."
Recessional
The couple walks hand in hand down the aisle as their loved ones celebrate their union.
In Closing
Of course, this ceremony can be customized with additional elements or readings to reflect the couple's unique relationship and cultural or spiritual traditions. Some like to add their own words as the ribbons are being wound and knotted. Some might want to do the wrapping of ribbons themselves, each weaving one round in turn.
At my personal handfasting ceremony, we later removed the ribbons and kept them in a promise jar. Another nice presentation could be a ‘shadow frame’ which can then be hung on a wall.
In closing, handfasting is a lovely ceremony with lots of potential for inclusion, and customization. I wish you all the most romantic and special moments an engagement and marriage can bring.
