Celebrating Queer Single Moms

by Christine Kinori

Mother's day is one of the days we get to celebrate motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society. Today we celebrate single queer mothers who have made a choice to be moms without biological ties.

Being a parent is not easy, it changes every aspect of your life and it takes a lot of sacrifices to be able to come to this decision. The choice is even harder for queer women who wish to enjoy the joy of motherhood and want to do it by themselves. There are many things that they have to consider compared to a heterosexual female making the same decision.

One of the things they need to be prepared for is the unique barriers that queer women are likely to experience when trying to start a family. In many countries across the world, it is hard to get support from official government healthcare when you are a queer single woman starting a family. In most cases, women are limited to private treatment which can be expensive. When a queer woman walks into a fertility clinic, they often need to present as heterosexual in order to avoid discrimination.

The homophobia and the prejudice queer people continue to face can often extend to the child as well. Even though things are changing and becoming more accepting, society is still not set up to support queer single moms. And the prejudice comes not only because you are queer but because some people in our society think it is taboo to have a child without a partner. They assume that the kids are not being raised properly since there is only one parent. These kids are often overlooked and underrated because they come from a single-parent home, and even more so if the mom is queer.

The financial pressure that comes with being a single queer mom is daunting and comes in many forms. It can include discriminating against queer people when hiring, and denying promotions or raises to LGBTQ employees. Openly denying them loans or charging higher interest rates. Queer entrepreneurs looking for investors can be discriminated against by funders or venture capitalists. This can affect the ability to provide a better life for both the parent and the kid.

The legal details of queer parenting in Canada can also be complicated and daunting starting with birth registration processes which are set by individual provinces and may present unique challenges for queer women. TIP: Before you give birth, be sure to create a will and name a guardian - just in case something should go wrong.

Family and community support are so important when someone is a single mom. But for queer women, often their families have turned away from them, leaving no family to turn to for advice and help with childcare. A woman named Jane Mattes started an organization called Single Mothers By Choice for those who decide to become a mother knowing they will be the sole parent of their child. The organization’s primary purpose is to provide strong peer support and information.

Single queer parenting comes with its own unparalleled set of challenges but these brave women still believe it’s worth it. By making this journey and sharing their experiences, they are helping light a path for future generations. They prove to us that it is possible to create a family differently while still being authentic and it is empowering.

There were 1.2 million single mothers in Canada in 2019 and a whole lot of them are very likely queer. This Mother's day we give a standing ovation to all the single queer women out there who were brave enough to take up such a selfless role all on their own. Whether it is through adoption, artificial insemination, or surrogacy they are showing us modern queer families can be formed and we can celebrate that.

Christine Kinori is a queer travel freelance writer. “I enjoy meeting new people and experiencing new culture. I believe in equality and I want my daughter to live in a better world.”