New to Strap-Ons? Here's what you need to know

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A woman friend asked me recently for advice about buying a dildo and harness for strap on sex. Good harnesses and dildos are often expensive, so making a choice that doesn't fit the needs of you and your partner can be costly. The following is some good basic advice to help make for a great first experience.

Strap-On Harness buying tips

Buy something sturdy, made of a material that has a small amount of give, but doesn't stretch. You want the dill to be firmly attached to you so you can control the angle and it feels connected to your body. Good materials are a sturdy leather or rubber. Garment leather or elastic undergarments are going to result in a more wobbly and less precise experience. If you like the look or feel, or plan to use the cowgirl (receiver on top) position, go for it, but otherwise you'll likely prefer something more secure. Keep in mind you're going to need to wash this harness, and leather will get stiff in water, so spring for the leather cleaner and keep it oiled between uses.

Dildos for Strap on Sex

A good dildo for strap on sex will have a flared base to help hold it in the harness. You insert the dill into the hole in the harness and if it doesn't have a flared base, it will slide right out under pressure. You can purchase donut shaped disks to put over the dildo to give it a bit more traction.

The shape and firmness of the dildo also makes a difference to function. A dildo with some give to it, which is not too firm, will be more forgiving of mistakes in angle and might be best for beginners. Again, if using a position where the receiving partner has more control over the angle, this may not be an issue.

The wearer of the harness will need to be able to ensure that the head of the dildo stays within their partner's body. Choosing a dildo with a head on it will give a bit of a ridge that makes it easier to sense when it is nearly out. For this same reason, a longer dildo will be easier to use than a short one.

Don't put any dildo in your body that isn't made of a body-safe material. This usually means silicone, which can be boiled or put in the dishwasher to clean between uses. Cheaper dildos that are not made of silicone may be toxic to the receiver's body or crumble during use, which is just not good.

Girth matters

Lucky us! We get to choose the exact size and shape we want when picking a dildo for strap on sex. If you have had fingers inside this particular partner, you'll know how wide their body can open easily. A good dildo for strap on sex should be about that wide, or perhaps a bit wider as the dildo is a smooth round shape that might be better tolerated than fingers. Keep in mind that some partners may open less or more for different kinds of penetration, so the best way to know is to have a variety of sizes available, and to ask.

What about strapless or double-headed dildos?

Some people love strapless dildos. They can be sexy to look at, the inserted part gives the wearer a more direct connection with what is going on and the lack of need for a harness can make things simpler and faster. However, some people find that they work even better when worn with a harness for a bit more stability and control, so if you find that's something that you need, try adding a harness.

Bullet Vibes?

Some dills come with a hole to insert a bullet shaped vibrator. This subtle vibration can give more sensation to the harness wearer and can result in feeling more connected to the toy. If that is appealing to you, give it a try.

Use Water Based Lube

Use a water based lube when using a silicone dildo. If you use silicone lube it will damage your dildo, and the resulting gumminess won't be good for your partner's body either.

Ask Lots of Questions

Strap on sex can be very vulnerable for the receiver, and for the wearer, it can be hard to feel and see exactly what is going on in some positions. Ask your partner lots of questions about preferences and desires and be cautious until you get a feel for what works and feels good.